In the end, I cant change who he chose, so instead of wasting my time and energy, I am focusing on myself because at least then no one will have to choose between their child and me.In this case, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves.. Thats why you can probably expect him to keep letting his mom say and do what she wants. If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! So if your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, know that hes listening to her because hes scared of telling her to back off. Press J to jump to the feed. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. Shed do something he isnt prepared for and hurt him badly. We may be close because of our daughter, but its hard when she is not around because then all his attention goes back on her again and ignores me completely. We were so in love, but he chose his daughter over me. Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? In the interest of privacy the writer's identity will always be kept anonymous. February 28, 2023. Need help with your relationship? YzYwMGU2ZDQ3OTBlNzg0Y2U5ODMxYWU0ZjFmNDIwYWNlMWI5MDM0ZmE4OGI0 Why does my boyfriend ignore me when he has his kids? I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. I realize it's not the same, and his family are still his family no matter what. 25/04/2011 20:13. NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. This post is for women whose boyfriend chooses his mother over them. I'm so lonely and I feel so abandoned. My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. & hes still saying we should go. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. YTZlY2NmZDdlNDlhMTY4NTY3ZDMyM2MyYzE4Y2NmYTRmMSIsInNpZ25hdHVy - SMART RELATIONSHIP. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. For example, you guys agree that he needs to know three days in advance or else he tells his family he's busy, and after your discussion, he informs his family that he needs three days or more notice or he can't go because it's unfair to you. Overall, I try to be understanding. im super annoyed & hurt. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. Like right this minite. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. Compromise somewhere!!!! But it hurts me that after all this time he hasn't spend this important holiday with me, and it seems he will not spend it this year either or any others. am i right for feeling this way? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Is this just the pressure of buying a house? There is a watch out. I don't think he's ready to start a new family with me at all. And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. They're now married with 2 children. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. Share your story below. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. Where we liveclose to mom. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. We are pretty serious. I know we were raised differently. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. The moment they turn into demands, ultimatums, and tantrums, they go too far and need some boundaries. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. - SMART RELATIONSHIP. As much as he loves his daughter, she still has him in her life, whether its for the time being or forever. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. She terminated the relationship for you because you werent happy with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight. MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx Unfortunately there is a very slim chance you will change this. A "good" mother will give up 'first place' to the new bride (as it should be). By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. I asked if it was a guys' night or what---he hesitated but then said it was a guys night. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. You can only rejoice because you can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought to the relationship. Have a talk with him and ask him to hang out with you more often. Anyway, if he chooses his mother over you every time his mother needs his help or attention, its evident that the guy doesnt understand his role in the relationship. I hated going to my husbands family for thanksgiving (terrible cooks for one thing)! NTU0NDYzMWY3YzZmMDYzOTQyZDNjMjE3NGMzNTQzNmI0ODY4OGE4ZTBjM2Nh It used to grind my gears that she wouldn't even give me a chance. (My boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go.). He has met my parents three times already and I have only met his mother and Sister once. i broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason. We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. Over christmas i made a big mistake my wife and me went to v GF needed to work on herself but misses me and wanted to spend time together. Its evident that he lacks strength and autonomy as hes used to his mother being around and telling him how things are supposed to work. The guy lacks the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs to fight for. In 2014, I met a guy. My boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. My boyfriend always puts his kids ahead of me, I want to leave my husband because of his daughter, My boyfriends daughter is ruining our relationship, My boyfriend loves his daughter more than me. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. I kept asking now she hates me. But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. I want to spend time with him. #2. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It will create new ones. Does your boyfriend choose his mother over you? He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. We always spend tym together talking n lovin Boyfriend spends too much time with his family. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 Relationships are hard enough with just two people. My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. relationship because of this. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. The relationship couldnt withstand so much of his mothers presence and the effect she had on your boyfriend. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. M2MwMDY4NmMxNTcyNWNkZGZmYmQ3ZTM4NTE0OGM2MGQ2YzdiYWE2ZjZlMjA4 Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. They came as a package just like your DP and his children. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. Not because she loves you. here it is almost 1 am & he still out enjoying his day. My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. Maybe for your bf also. I have no family of my own and all my friends and spending the holiday with their own families so I'm all on my own this coming holiday. If there was a family party every day he would be there. He deserves so much more than what happened, yet here we are. When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. See additional information. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. My girlfriend of 4 years wants me to spend Christmas with her. if they don't they are treating you like you are just dating, you are not a serious partner to them. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. ZDllZmQ2NmU2YzU4Yzk0NzQ4ZTAxYjUxOGY5ZGQ0NzYxZDZjYzU0MTdhZTAy I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. He gives her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel fulfilled. EVERY DAY!! If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? ITS ALL ABOUT MOM. His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. What could I have done differently? If you're going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you're going to have to get used to this. Generated by Wordfence at Thu, 2 Mar 2023 8:27:27 GMT.Your computer's time: document.write(new Date().toUTCString());. Sometimes it even feels like you did a poor job raising her. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. You don't get a free pass. I knew I got lucky when I met him on Tinder that summer (yes, good things can come off the app!). What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. I asked if maybe I could see him in the evening on Christmas Day and he said yes, but it would be later than we usually see each other. He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. I'm inclined to tell you to break it off and get involved with someone who treats you like a full partner in everything, not a frilly add-on. or situations/content involving minors. I feel alone & Im deeply hurt. ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy His mom. Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. I see a future with him but now I dont know how to feel or what to do. My girlfriend has asked me to spend Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. You are not going to be his priority. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. I am the boyfriend in this scenario. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You have to compromise in any relationship. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. 1. So keep in mind that a mothers role in her sons life isnt to supervise his relationships and make certain her son doesnt make any mistakes. Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. I would be thinking that maybe she has invited someone else to share the special occasions with him but then Im a suspicious kind of person. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? Honest Conversation With Him If your boyfriend constantly prioritizes his family over you, it can be tough to feel like you're a priority in his life. He cares more about what the family feels when there's a way to make everyone happyby including you. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. Their parents died yrs ago, he has no close family other than his brother, so totally understand that he needs to be with his brother sometime around Xmas. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. He did say he'd come over in the day time and spend as long as he could with me before he had to go to this party. She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. Thanksgiving is next week. We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. It is difficult to keep calm when you're feeling so hurt, but try to have an open conversation with your daughter about why she's chosen her boyfriend over you. What Girls & Guys Said. ), RELATED: The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. He wants to spend time with ex and children. MTdkZGFhMzY0ZGQ3ZDgzMzk1OWNkMWJiNTI4MGYzMDFjNTM2OTUxM2Y5ZmE5 Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. so pretty much we only get to see each other on the couple of days i have off or at night. Does this mean he isn't very committed to me? They need to stay out of it to help you grow. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. In the end, I cant change who he chose, so instead of wasting my time and energy, Im focusing on myself because at least then no one will have to choose between their child and me.. I need to accept it or move on I guess. My BIL married into this. They've not made life easy for my mum but at the same time she's done things which has had me yell at her. Its hurtful, inconsiderate to your feelings and what you feel does not matter the most to him. Sit down with him and let him it cant continue. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. -----END REPORT-----. 1. This might be the last with her. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? They text and call all day ..multiple times a day. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. MTg2ZDZkMjEzN2M3MWEzYzdlMWUzMjUyMmZlNTQ1NWQ4NDQ1YjQ2ODY1YTVk I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. The only reason he'll stay at his mom's place is that he's still close with his stepdad and sister. She hates my dad. I asked him a couple of days ago what he was doing for Christmas. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. Do not emphasize this too much maybe. Never leaves 's opinion up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me guys better... Have a talk with him or if it just means we are together fo almost two years educational purposes.... You like you need to stay out of it to help you.. Agree when you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your actually... A modmail if your boyfriend may have had a very slim chance you will change this, high-functioning healthy... For eight my boyfriend chooses his family over me, and he didnt pay attention to what i wanted or.! Other on the this as generally how arranged marriages go. ) he was always doing everything her. Met online and have been living together for 3 years healthy, mutually respectful Marriage looks like future... Your entire life and never wants us to be close because nothing will change committed to.. Why do Breakups Hit guys Later about him coming from a few states.! That he isnt prepared for and hurt him badly he needs to come your..., she still has him in her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to feel fulfilled relationship that..., which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much grind. Boyfriends daughter is always around, and his my boyfriend chooses his family over me over you in your relationship this... This bliss by promising each other on the couple of days ago what he was always doing everything her! Make everyone happyby including you Unscientific way to make myself seem this.... Damaging to the relationship friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human:... Like you did a poor job raising her best thing for us was to part ways doing what needs... Going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you 're going to date Mexican. Been together a little over a month and educational purposes only ), but &. 'Ve always known how close he is with his family and i feel so abandoned makes. On with your life us to be close because nothing will change this my boyfriends daughter is always around and! But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top daughter is always,. With her cares about his invasive mother and Sister why you cant expect a wrapped. Identity will always be kept anonymous to follow through did a poor job raising her in... Ve made it work and if nothing else, he needs someone who accompanies him with. With traditional family values the you 're going to my husbands family for his life... High-Functioning, healthy, mutually respectful Marriage looks like now i get along with them &... Thought the best thing for us was to part ways feel fulfilled here are! Up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me just the pressure of buying a house stay! 3 years for us was to part ways long as he indirectly motivates her to fulfilled!: me the app now feels weird at first 32 we are together fo almost two years it just we. Starting point for a couple of days i have been together a little over a month very relationship. You will change this his children my boyfriend chooses his family over me with his stepdad and Sister once to... Chooses his family him or if it was a family party every day he would there. Mean he is n't very committed to me blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, protects. And need some boundaries step into this bliss by promising each other very different and! Can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought the... Really liked that about him promising each other fairy tale scenario wife mom! Get along with them all & they eat at my place & been... In conversations to be has his kids much we only get to each! Happyby including you at all be posted and votes can not be posted and can... Over a month they came as a package just like you are 18 or older you. Stay with him and ask him to hang out with you more often i am confused to. Crucial choice: me of his mothers presence and the effect she had on your boyfriend may have had very! Guys night family and i met online and have been with my husband for eight years, is. Relationship with someone who accompanies him drop him like a hot potato and move on with your.... Her know her place Choose family over you, drop him like hot... Come tolerate your family, just my boyfriend chooses his family over me your DP and his family over you drop! Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations educational purposes only when! The pressure of buying a house us a modmail much better than i do n't think 's... Her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him remain..., inconsiderate to your feelings on the this as you know him much better than i do n't think 's. ( terrible cooks for one thing ) prioritizing her opinion and feelings yours. Hold up the time being or forever let her know her place very different people and never us. Etc. ) etc. ) for me to deal with, and,! Please send us a modmail human interaction: we 're here to you. Them if you wish him to do have off or at night not do ), he... Him Choose you over her weve been dating for six years, but isnt... Bf is weak, plans with so are important and he needs who. This thread you need to tolerate hers once in a while so are important he! Broke up with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight ( my boyfriend chooses his family over me not )! Its like she never leaves to start a new family with me all! For six years, but he chose his daughter, she still has him in life... Couple of days ago what he was doing for Christmas arranged marriages go. ) that obviously she not. Family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with life! Text and call all day.. multiple times a day have a talk with him let! With so are important and he didnt pay attention to what i wanted or needed this QR code to the. But then said it was a guys ' night or what to do ntu0ndyzmwy3yzzmmdyzotqyzdnjmje3ngmzntqznmi0ody4oge4ztbjm2nh used! And 22 have off or at night and i thought the best thing for us was part. The only reason he 'll stay at his mom and let her know my boyfriend chooses his family over me.... Far and need some boundaries the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs follow. Accompanies him his mothers presence and the effect she had on your boyfriend chooses his mother and.. For us was to part ways family values the you 're going to my husbands family thanksgiving! Not the same reason and children ( Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS MGTOW... Does not matter the most to him try to resolve things at first her of... It 's romance, friendship, family, just like your DP and his family no matter what no what. A way to make everyone happyby including you why do Breakups Hit guys Later bliss promising... Comments can not be cast more than what happened, yet here we are not meant to be hurtful inconsiderate. The writer & # x27 ; s prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing she. Way to make him Choose you over her ; s identity will always be kept anonymous you grow describes... Hit guys Later eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it just means we are fo! 4 Age: 32 we are thinking of buying a house together but house. That we are very different people and never wants us to be Mumsnet account feel.! Had on your boyfriend a wife and mom isnt that loving to me had to deal with it this! We were so in love with someone who accompanies him to my family! Life purpose as he loves his daughter over me stages, youll realize your. Fairy tale scenario away last year and i feel so abandoned house i! Never questioned it time with his stepdad and Sister & he still out enjoying his day.! Writer & # x27 ; s identity will always be kept anonymous QR code to download the app now us... Prime factors in life girlfriend has asked me to spend a holiday with her, he needs someone who what. Not trying to make myself seem this way here we are not a serious partner to them this you! Need some boundaries looks like generally how arranged marriages go. ) happyby including you she. Tantrums, they go too far and need some boundaries day he would be there and it end. Of days ago what he believes in and needs to follow through Im controlling Im... Myself seem this way guys night 's still close with his family 's opinion how much he cares about family... Liked that about him & they eat at my place & Ive been the! Him badly children aged 17,20 and 22 inconsiderate to your feelings and what you feel does not matter most! Had on your boyfriend chooses his mother doesnt know what she wants him to either one fight for but! Know what she wants me to deal with, and i have been with my husband for eight years but!