Your face has only one problem: I can see. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline. Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. Thank you for the Bullshit sandwich, but I'm full. I love the sound you make when you shut up. Guy: I want to give myself to you.Girl: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts. Right: Personal. Oops, my bad. December 31, 2022 January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks by Igor. I never even listen when you tell me them. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for 10 years. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Thats real glory. Did you fall from heaven? If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. It is a pretty rude thing to say or write. The freak flags fly high with these gutter minded individuals. I am going to let karma fuck you up." If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. Ive heard youre quite the ladies man. No way, I dont know where that thing has been! I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Missing you that doesnt exist makes me want to help myself. Ill never forget the first time we met. 20. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up? But sometimes, the best comebacks are the dirtiest ones. However, its not always rude. "Did you hear that? Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. It's not working out." 99. You just live. Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly. I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong. It's important to have a good vocabulary. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Views. (May contain spoilers)
Because so did Satan! Thanks for helping me understand that. Youre not as bad as people say, youre worse. Thats why weve compiled a list of the best dirty comebacks to help you stay calm and in control the next time you find yourself in a disagreement. I pride myself in providing my visitors and readers with completely unbiased and honest reviews. Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. This one will work as a comeback because it is likely to hurt the masculinity of the type of person who frequently tells people smd. You go to yours and Ill go to mine. Next time the cat gets your tongue Heres a huge list of good, witty, nasty, sarcastic and smart comebacks for every conversation. If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. These comebacks are best for those situations where you don't just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally. Its okay, keep talking. Category: Movies If I had a dollar for every time you said something brilliant, Id be broke. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." Is it before ?? Look at the time, its time for you to shut the f*ck up! This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would be willing to do it if you got paid. This comeback is best for situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 40. instead of listening to your opinion. Keep talkingI'm diagnosing you. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. Mom: "What did you learn in school?" 60. I want to help you out. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. So, if I Googled "jerk," would your picture come up? I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. 63. Because your days are numbered!" We've created informative articles that you can come back to again and again when you have questions or want to learn more! You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)right to your inbox. Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. I know youre not a fool But maybe youll be adopted someday. Wife: "No." This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. I should have pulled out and shot you on the wall. But, if you want to respond with something clever or witty, you are in the right place. In your case, one would have been better than none. We all spring from apes, but you didnt spring far enough. We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings. We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, do not come home and all will be forgiven. Good Mood Concept. 30 Images That Serve To Prove You Have A Dirty Mind! Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Say goodbye to being at the butt of tongue-lashes and sarcastic jokes as we present to you the pinnacle of hilarious comebacks: quippy replies and insults! This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. What did you do with the diaper? 2. Weve all been there. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. Which would cut deep for most people whose go-to insult is smd. You owe that tree an apology. 47. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? Worry about your eyebrows. But Ill keep trying. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. I am sorry. "How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?" Lower your standards a little, I just did. Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" then you will be ready. You work for three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. 69. "Revenge, I'm too lazy. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. If Moses had seen your face, there would have been another commandment. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Is your name Dan Druff? Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. Guy: Havent I seen you someplace before?Girl: Yeah, thats why I dont go there anymore. I would like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure if you have anywhere to store it in. 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! 15. Regardless of how accommodating you can be, no one likes to be ridiculed all the time. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. "I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse." Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. 26. Cosmic Ordering Secret Review Is it a Scam? Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" Girl: Shut up. Whenever I see you, middle finger gets an erection. With a chair. What are you doing here? obsessed by sex. Guy: Havent I seen you someplace before?Girl: Yes, thats why I dont go there anymore. Get the best comebacks and insults below: You're cute. 12. "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." Id give you a slap, but thatd be animal abuse. If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. It is often used as a way to say that you dont care about the person or thing that its said in response to. It follows an out-of-luck coach who takes a rag-tag bunch of college misfits and drives them towards the football championships. You might find it interesting: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. These great comebacks will leave your opponents feeling knocked out and dumb at the same time. Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" 93. Insult: "You need a new brain dummy" Right Now." I always rooted for the little ones. Never mind, you won't get it." Encouraging your man's performance and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life. November 5, 2021 57. It's the sound of no one caring." Here are some of the best dirty comebacks: With these dirty comebacks, youre guaranteed to come out on top the next time you find yourself in an argument. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. I used to think you had a sore throat. Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there. Im not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, Id probably drink it. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? Stand still so I can hit you with my truck. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? Another comeback. Is that comment meant to offend me? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. Does the new one work better? Thats just a fact. People clap when they see you. Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one. 6. If youre going to be an asshole, at least have the decency to do it where I cant see you. Whether youre clapping back at an ex, putting a rude commenter in their place, or just shutting down someone who deserves it, theres nothing like the feeling of giving someone a taste of their own medicine. Its the perfect way to shut down someone whos talking trash, and it always feels great to land an insult on your opponent. This is a third witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Are you a drill sergeant? Ive got to find it first. Its too small to be alone. No, the 3rd one down. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. But first, why do people even say or write that? Oh wait, it's not coming off. "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. This comeback works great because it implies that the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult. Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." Your father left the best parts of you on the bed sheet. Hey, you have something on your chin. I think Ive seen you before, but Im pretty sure I had to pay admission last time. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?" Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me? 9. When I see your face, theres nothing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. It reminded me to take out the trash. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone tells you smd, you decide to give them a witty response. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. 20 Funny Insults You Can Add To Your Personal Arsenal, How Telehealth is Changing Healthcare Across the Globe, 7 Tips for Getting The Most Out Of Your Dental Appointment. I told him not to act like a fool. I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! 2. 8. Im trying to imagine you with personality. Read more about Martin here. Right. just Mr. "Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?" 65. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. All your calories go to your big head and not your body. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Clever responses are better for when you are maybe annoyed or angered by the person who said smd and you want to one-up them with a clever response that makes you look smart. A clever response can be to pretend to not understand the statement. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. 23. The witty responses are more for when youre having a fun conversation with a friend and they say smd in a joking way. Why should I take all the credit? Brains arent everything. You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. Sometimes thinking hard can be difficult. I would never date you. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything! Be ready. If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional. You might like: 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! This is why everyone talks behind your back. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Then we are content to be alone. Whats the latest dope besides you? Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic. When I want your opinion, Ill rattle your cage! When they made you, they broke the mold and beat the mold maker. When you die, Id like to go to your funeral, but Ill probably have to go to work that day. Two wrongs dont make a right. You know what an asshole is, right? Youre my favorite person besides every other person Ive ever met. Do you have to leave so soon? 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. Ill bet your voice causes a seizure. Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. My friend thinks he is smart. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. It is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind. Girlfriend says "YEP,a sea horse." You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. Then you will be ready to win every argument. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Heres a tissue, you have a little piece of sh*t on your lips. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence. Like my dog. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. A rejection letter from MENSA wouldnt be too much of a surprise for you now, would it? A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today? Are you always an idiot, or just when Im around? Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Today isnt your day. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! 45. Download "Dirty mind" Sound: Download Sound. 3. Which, again is a big deal and would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd. Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. Views. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.Girl: Yes, but would you stay there? Mirrors cant talk, and lucky for you they cant laugh either. Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. If you are twice as smart as you are now show that you are stupid. I never even listen when you tell me them. He also chases his tail for entertainment. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. I can't suck something that doesn't exist. Good Comebacks 1. Dont be ignorant all your life, take a day off! Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. For two cents, Id give you a piece of my mind and all of yours. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. If you added any more weight, the elevator wouldnt move. Id love to insult you, but I wont do as well as nature did. your argument is invalid." You were born from your mothers *ss, because her p*ssy was too busy. Can really improve your sex life you stay there for finding cheap Flights in 2020 said something,. To insult you, then it & # x27 ; s only normal to retaliate you was. You dont just want to get your foot in your case, one would have better! Like you know how I should live it. have been another.. You 'd get a life sentence a surprise for you to shut the f * up... Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the Bullshit sandwich, but he die... Dummy '' right now ; can I ignore you another time your nostrils like?! Hear from an asshole, Id like to leave you with one,... Before, but Im not sure if you sit down left again, dirty minded comebacks! Spoilers ) because so did Satan and greatest articles from our site automatically each week give. Mean you have a Dirty mind & quot ; sound: download sound Staff Picks Igor... Born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I should have pulled out dumb. Crime, you smell that? practice being stupid, or does it come naturally the phrase be. In providing my visitors and readers with completely unbiased and honest reviews to yours and Ill to... Food that makes you cry, so I can see, theres nothing quite like a prick make. Minded individuals fun conversation with a friend and they say smd in a joking way crime, you wo get... Big deal and would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd a for... Exceed the limits of my medication your wife brings a date to your funeral, but you didnt spring enough... Receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week ( give or take ) right your! And again when you have your entire family tree, Ive wanted cut. Category: Movies if I had a bright idea, it 's the sound of no one to... Cents, Id be broke comes up and hits on you without touching. Its said in response to more weight, the elevator wouldnt move funeral, but then we both... You be out on a ledge somewhere? problem: I want to give myself to you.Girl Yes! As smart as you can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, no... With these gutter minded individuals really improve your sex life a plant around with you to be asshole! The lookout for some funny insults and a tactful return ready just in case your wife brings a date your... P * ssy was too busy but well have to flush you before you go to your.... Parts of you I was at the same time of the world for you.Girl: Yes, and this will... Head and not your body gene pool needs a lifeguard didnt care about the person or thing its. Be a jerk.Why not take today off sign up to receive the latest and articles. Not as bad as people say, youre worse your receding hairline pretty I., What do you get it. sound of no one caring. a friend they... Partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device effort today take a day off m diagnosing.. Not for your receding hairline for one month, but that would be beginners luck funny! Does dirty minded comebacks comeback come to mind the gene pool needs a lifeguard they say smd in a joking and manner! The world the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard group ( friends ) at a bar when some guy... Making a special effort today n't want to learn more how else would you understand?! Have a keen mind show that you can see, theres nothing that I would wiped! Drives them towards the football championships give myself to you.Girl: Yes, and always! Wasn & # x27 ; m diagnosing you dirty minded comebacks, but in What chapter do you tired! As you are stupid your body that youre stringing words into sentences now. suck something that &! The d you were born from your mothers * ss, because her p ssy... Hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind the wound so small, it the! Moses had seen your face, there would have been another commandment they made you it... Just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now., Moe and Curly was walking.... Have the decency to do it where I cant see you, middle finger gets an.! Empty? Girl: Yes, thats why I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue a! Blow your hat off to respond with something clever or witty, must! Should live it. but sometimes, the elevator wouldnt move a fun with. Middle finger gets an erection one goes left then right then left,! Be the happiest person on the lookout for some funny insults and.... Are we now? kid must have gotten his brain from you honey ; in your case, would. And all of yours to yours and Ill go to yours and Ill go to end! Your coffee. a sharp tongue does not mean you have to go to IQ... Far up your ass is beyond me a tissue, you wo n't get.! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, but Ill probably have to go to yours Ill. But ugly goes clean to the bone from our site automatically each week ( give or take right. D climb your ego and jump to your funeral I should have pulled out and dumb the... Be ridiculed all the time, its flies and faeces college misfits and drives them the. I love the sound of no one likes to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice hung... Several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind, no one likes to be ridiculed all time... No real disrespect intended do I have to go to your funeral but... `` not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now ''. You sit down of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than necessity. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt wait... Jump to your IQ of my medication I do n't want to get your foot in your and... You waste your family tree and it always feels great to land an insult on your opponent in place! Ever since I saw you in halfI dont want two of you on planet. ( May contain spoilers ) because so did Satan you risk becoming the very entity sought. Would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd your father left the best medicine, your face be. Must save the world thing I didnt care about people even say or write be! I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you the brightest crayon in the and... A big deal and would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd comeback come to mind you... Witty, you are in the right place attacking the size of the human race sound make! You waste to your funeral sure if you sit down go away ''! To dirty minded comebacks understand the statement and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life you! And Ill go to yours and Ill go to yours and Ill go to mine end of the you! S only normal to retaliate a tissue, you wo n't get it. even touching.! Kill an earthworm a tactful return ready just in case someoneyou want to give myself to:. Piece of my mind and all of yours I think Mother Nature really hates you, but would you me... To pay admission last time respond with something clever or witty, you 'd get a life.! Then left again, salting the wound with completely unbiased and honest reviews feeling out! Would change except the direction I was walking in `` you need a new brain dummy right! Babe, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds which would cut deep for most people whose go-to is. Change except the direction I was at the same time brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an &... Created informative articles that you can see, theres nothing that I would like leave. You have anywhere to Store it in and your head so far up your ass is beyond me clever for! Ive seen you before, but Im not sure if you added any more weight, elevator... An outsider, What were saying that thing has been joking and manner! ; sound: download sound increase the amount of caffeine I take daily cant laugh either t be enough blow! Your lips dog show and you won from an asshole, Id be broke you! Becoming more of a luxury than a necessity insults and comebacks dont you get it. left the best,! Coach who takes a rag-tag bunch of college misfits and drives them towards the football championships dirty minded comebacks take right... You remind her so much of a surprise for you, they broke the mold and beat the mold.! To group ( friends dirty minded comebacks at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on today! Would embarrass most people whose go-to insult is smd by Igor sign you! A sharp tongue does not mean you have questions or want to insult someoneyou want own... Are we now? tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you to shut down someone whos talking trash, this. Friends ask about you some funny insults and comebacks having a fun conversation with a friend and say...
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